Just For Today
Just for Today describes itself as a daily meditation book that’s derived from the literature and practices of Narcotics Anonymous, which is derived from Alcoholics Anonymous, which is derived from the Oxford Group, which is derived from Higher Life Theology in English Protestant tent revivalist movements. I argue AA is religious, not just spiritual, and you can find a discussion about that here. And that’s okay.
I’ve said numerous times before that religion is absolutely a valid part of an individual and community’s recovery capital, and there are undoubtedly people who would not have noticed any changes to their sobriety or mental health or quality of life without AA. I have no intentions of talking someone out of a religion or into one. I just think we need to be honest when things are religious so we don’t blame people when they don’t fit into a religious solution that’s presumed to be universal. After all, the AA/NA 12 Step programs recite literature every meeting that says those who don’t stay sober through the program are “constitutionally incapable” of having the prerequisite virtues to do so. If I am ever forceful or critical in my tone, it is solely because I think a claim that strong has to be met with a strong repudiation. It’s one of the reasons I’m extremely critical of The Four Agreements as well, so there’s nothing about AA or Christianity in particular which gives me an axe to grind.
Actually, I’m a big fan of Jesus, especially on the evils of hoarding wealth and marginalizing the outcasts who are already suffering. I have no doubt that Jesus wanted us to embrace homeless addicts alongside lepers and prostitutes. Benjamin Rush, one of the earliest doctors to propose a disease model, wrote that a good Christian would not take those afflicted with chronic drunkenness differently than other sinners who were sick and lost. I’m also a big fan of Reinhold Niebuhr, who wrote the Serenity Prayer and believed strongly in collective justice to improve our lives. Hindu belief systems tend to err on the side of syncretic coexistence with other systems so that it’s very easy to take what works and leave what doesn’t while respecting people for their choices.
So in no way do I think Just For Today is bad or unhelpful. I just think it’s religious, and that’s okay. One of the easiest ways to illustrate this point is by looking at how often the daily meditation ends up being about a personal Higher Power who must be loving, caring, and powerful enough to be the cause of all things from an independent higher reality we strive to make conscious contact with. If we take the suggestion that the Higher Power can really be anything of your choice, then let’s see what happens when we directly substitute a few of those into the text. I’m incrementally working through this book, but in the process, I’ll try substituting a doorknob, the abstract concept of love, an impersonal God who doesn’t intervene in daily life after setting the universe in motion, and Satan. None of those describe my own beliefs to be clear, but they cover the kinds of alternatives people might propose.
January 1
We have a daily reprieve from our addiction as long as we remain vigilant. Each day, we carry the principles of recovery into all we do, and each night, we thank our Higher Power for another day clean.
If we look at the origins of the term “daily reprieve” in the Big Book, we see:
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.
By definition, a “reprieve” is the act of delaying a punishment, such as a government offering a reprieve in a death penalty case so that it may be considered further. A “daily reprieve” thus means having a daily delay in your punishment. This is a morally loaded proposition obviously. Not everyone’s belief system begins with the idea that a disease, disability, or disorder is punishment. It’s possible to be born with an addiction or develop one as a child because of an adult supplying substances. Nearly half the people diagnosed with a substance use disorder also have another mental disorder which might prompt us to ask how much of the compulsive use is about self-medication.
Consider PTSD. It might be normal, if not always healthy, for an individual to suspect that they specifically suffered from PTSD because of a situation they provoked from the universe like karma or God’s punishment for sin. It would be quite strange though if our baseline protocol for handling PTSD involved telling people who were in a car crash or experienced a gruesome combat injury that they need to pray to a Higher Power everyday to have their punishment of a flashback delayed. We might want to consider that your health is in part a function of your environment, that you don’t have infinite capacity to change your environment, that you don’t even have infinite capacity to change your mind/body/soul or however you model human existence, and so adding a moral component encourages blaming the individual rather than evaluating systems-based and evidence-backed solutions. If an individual would like to view their life’s events through the lens of moral consequences, that’s perfectly fine. General recovery advice probably shouldn’t enter the thicket of morality if we want to be inclusive.
But say we accept the moralization of health issues and want addicts to think in terms of a daily reprieve. How do you thank a doorknob for giving you another day of sobriety? How do you pray to the abstract concept of love, is that like praying to Cupid to be struck by love whenever depressive episodes worsen? How do you ask for a daily reprieve from an impersonal God that doesn’t intervene in daily life? What is the vision of the will of an entity that has no will for intervention? We could charitably say that the form matters rather than the substance here. The act of imagining a Higher Power might be enough to reap the benefits of feeling connected to a bigger picture or having a supportive relationship. Evidence certainly suggests a correlation between believing in a Higher Power and reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression. As we’ll see though, the Higher Power or God you’re asked to pick has very restrictive constraints that will rule out many ideas about spirituality and religion.
January 2
“Take a deep breath and talk to God
“Sometimes when we pray, a remarkable thing happens: We find the means, ways, and energies to perform tasks far beyond our capacities.”
Each time life presents us with another little setback to our daily plans, we can simply take a deep breath and talk to the God of our understanding. Knowing we can draw patience, tolerance, or whatever we need from that Power, we find ourselves coping better and smiling more often.
Just for today: I will take a deep breath and talk to my God whenever I feel frustrated.
This one is even more difficult to imagine doing with a doorknob, an abstract concept, or an impersonal God. You can’t talk to any of those with an expectation that anything in your life will change without entering the world of magical thinking or spiritual bypassing. The doorknob is not going to give you the Power to surpass your finite bandwidth to make decisions in your life. It only makes sense to ask for “means, ways, and energies to perform tasks far beyond our capacities” if you’re implying that God will respond by granting you Power you don’t currently have.
You could refer to Satan as a loving and caring Father, but I’m going to guess 99% of you reading this are feeling a little uncomfortable at that idea, especially if you’ve come to describe alcohol (cunning, baffling, and powerful) as a temptation of the Devil. Carl Jung certainly used that framing, and I’ve lifted that comparison myself. I would think someone who mentioned Satan as their Higher Power in a church might be ruffling feathers substantially, and AA is clear that the group sustains the individuals so the group comes first. I wouldn’t say I’m happy if a Satanist was asked to leave, but I can see the logic. Anecdotally, those in recovery I’ve met with Satanic tattoos, however ironic, are often ostracized by others even if they’re willing to work the rest of the program. I would think it’s a good practical decision for there to be a different 12 Step formulation for someone who considers themselves a Satanist, although many Satanists might argue that the entire premise of their beliefs is a rejection of the hierarchy formed by a Higher Power of an independent higher reality.
January 3
“We eventually redefine our beliefs and understanding to the point where we see that our greatest need is for knowledge of God’s will for us and the strength to carry that out.”
In our God’s will we find freedom from self-will.
I will seek the fulfillment of my greatest need: a vital, guiding connection with the God of my understanding.
This seems like a very particular philosophical and theological position on free will in relation to God. But the doorknob has no will for you. An impersonal God might have a will for you if we accept that God set a universe in motion knowing what would happen after as time goes on, but that still doesn’t mean you’re going to establish anything like a “guiding connection” that would create instructions you need to carry out.
It also might just not be your greatest need. It is possible to be spiritually or religiously fulfilled but lack one of the many, many other factors that go into recovery capital. A devout Christian who spends hours meditating on God’s glory and grace might still be homeless and struggle to get medication and make appointments consistently. Giving that person safe and stable housing would substantially improve their lives and even their ability to pray in the way they so choose. Giving that person a copy of Just For Today or The Big Book, probably less so. They might read the whole book thinking “I’ve done all this, but when do I get off the streets and into a doctor’s office as a result of living according to these spiritual principles?” Unfortunately, there’s no obvious path to convert spiritual conviction into other forms of recovery capital.
January 4
In the company of other addicts, we knew we would not be rejected.
As organizations affiliated with the program say:
AA groups are spiritual entities made up of alcoholics who gather for the sole purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. Yet, we are not immune to the difficulties that affect the rest of humanity. Alcoholics Anonymous is a microcosm of the larger society within which we exist. Problems found in the outside world can also make their way into the rooms of AA.
https://ct-aa.org/safety-in-aa
January 5
I actually like this one as is. It’s just about how internal change is not necessarily obvious to those who have seen you in active addiction for prolonged periods of time. It may take time for them to see you’ve been able to address the disease head-on and that you have plans in case of a relapse so that the spirals of the past are far less likely to happen. I would just add that some relationships will never come back with the same trust and intimacy, and it’s good to be prepared for that scenario so that you don’t put all your sobriety’s eggs in a single basket. The concept of living amends is a powerful one that can keep you feeling connected to someone you can’t make actual amends with anymore. What would they imagine you would be doing if you really changed?
It’s also possible you realize burning some bridges was among the best things to ever happen to you. We are incredibly susceptible to the influence of those around us, so much so that some studies suggest individual characteristics are a poor predictor of sustained abstinence compared to the overall recovery capital in the community that individual is in, or even the presence of a couple highly supportive relationships. We tend not to take the bold risk of leaving a social network or relationship to be single free-floating atoms because humans are social creatures. Isolation and exile are strongly associated with death or at least a high likelihood of harm. At the same time, we may not realize how toxic and limiting certain communities or networks can be to our overall health and potential. This doesn’t mean you won’t mourn or grieve for what should’ve, could’ve, would’ve been. It just means the grass can be greener on the other side, especially if you go at it with intention, awareness, skills, and capital that you didn’t have before. You can redefine yourself in a way that makes you comfortable in your skin and find others who like that version of you. It sucks, but it’s also a harsh truth that people sometimes act like crabs in a bucket if someone makes attempts to improve their life.
One of the greatest credits I can give to the Higher Power 12-step methods is that they do provide a real avenue out of those buckets and into other buckets that think about higher principles and fundamental values.
January 6
They no longer ask “why”; they ask “how.” The value of endless speculation pales in comparison to the experience of addicts who’ve found a way to stay clean and live clean.
This one is more subtle, and I’m going to use it to address an underlying theme that occurs outside of this section, so pardon the length.
St. Augustine wrote crede ut intelligas which translates roughly to “believe to understand,” and Anselm of Canterbury wrote fides quaerens intellectum which maps to “faith seeking understanding.” They argued you first had to take a leap of faith in God in order to engage in reason, because otherwise the faculties of reason would be disordered by sin. There are some very lengthy and engaging arguments to this conclusion that I think are absolutely worth reading and discussing, but my main point is that the process of trusting something works on the basis of another’s testimony to a spiritual awakening without knowing how it works has the residue of a particular faith-based epistemology. It’s not even irrational; it makes a lot of sense that you have to first achieve sanity before you can apply sane reasoning to your life, and if a group of people are telling you that they understood the process after taking that step, it makes a lot of sense to follow them on that path. Someone suffering from a disorder that produces delusions might need medication before they can understand they need medication.
But remember that AA asks you to carry its principles in your daily affairs, so you might hear “trust the process” outside of the context of an AA meeting very often in the recovery space. I personally believe in “trust but verify.” Trust that something is worth trying if it has positive testimony, and verify that the outcomes match the personal criteria for success. I can trust that a new medication prescribed by a professional might help reduce symptoms of a health condition. I can verify it does by taking it, and if it doesn’t, I can return to the professional and we can iterate further. I have trusted that trying the Steps would be a worthwhile endeavor. I verified that the concepts of Powerlessness, surrender, higher independent reality, moralistic etiology, and spiritual awakening aren’t components of my specific religious and spiritual philosophy and practices. They absolutely can work for you though.
That’s partly why some groups like Recovery Dharma embrace the spirit of inquiry:
From the Recovery Dharma text: The Buddha did not ask us to believe his teachings on faith alone. He encouraged us to investigate them through our own experience and We encourage everyone to take what is useful and leave the rest.
From the Kalama Sutta: Do not go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, ‘This contemplative is our teacher.
This is decidedly not the tone or approach taken in AA/NA and the accompanying literature. It’s radical in the opposite direction: verify everything through your own inquiry. Lean on your own understanding. It’s even more radical than SMART Recovery, which puts considerable trust in medical and scientific institutions to generate the evidence-backed approaches and thereby has narrower methods within which to contest a finding (and there are plenty of criticisms of “evidence-backed” as a marketing term from researchers inside the field criticizing other researchers; I’ll cover that controversy on another page).
None of these mean that you should refrain from acting until you’ve understood the ideas completely, but it does mean that you shouldn’t wait to ask questions and test ideas. Inquire while you practice. Never stop asking “why”, “how”, and “why” again.
January 7
Many of us suffered severely from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Getting high and staying high seemed like the only possible way to cope with such abuse. Others suffered in less noticeable but equally painful ways before addiction took hold. We lacked direction and purpose. We were spiritually empty. We felt isolated, unable to empathize with others. We had none of the things that give life its sense and value.
And we’ve been given the gift of conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, providing us with the inner strength and direction we so sorely lacked in the past.
I find it a little concerning that we would attach moral and spiritual qualities onto an archetype of a victim of abuse. We emphasize using “I-statements” in meetings so much that saying something like this in one would probably warrant a chairperson or facilitator cutting you off.
If you’ve been through any trauma, you might feel isolated, detached, and stuck afterwards. If you’ve been through an extended period of trauma or even a lifetime of it, you might really feel those things and more. But “unable to empathize with others… had none of the things that give life its sense and value?” That seems harsh. In my experience, those who have trauma from abuse are more likely to be hypervigilant about how others feel. Those who have been in long-term abusive dynamics can easily end up in more people-pleasing or co-dependent dynamics where their empathy and desire for conflict resolution are taken advantage of. They are often very grateful for small acts of kindness and comfort.
Someone in active addiction can certainly lose access to their empathy and prioritize substance use over other things (that’s definitionally what “substance use disorder” means, the brain thinks a substance is as critical for survival as water in a desert), but I would not go as far as to generalize that to all who have been abused even outside of active addiction. It almost sounds a bit like we worked backwards from the assumption that the reader is Godless/Powerless, so they must necessarily have a weakened will and lack a purposeful direction in life as a result of past trauma. It’s possible to feel a strong sense of purpose and the resilience to process trauma consciously while struggling with all the other biopsychosocial dimensions of your body, mind, and soul.
January 8
Our best measure of growth is our spiritual condition, the basis of our recovery. If we’re still depending on people, places, and things to provide our inner satisfaction, like a child depending on its parents for everything, we do indeed have some growing to do. But if we stand secure on the foundation of our spiritual condition, considering its maintenance our most important responsibility, we can claim maturity.
If you’re promoting spirituality, that’s one thing. If you’re claiming spirituality is a priority to be measured alongside your adherence to principles that stem from a Higher Power’s care and direction and will, you’re straying into a religious perspective.
Note that lots of religions are actually very prescriptive about how you relate to “people, places, and things.” You might have sacred spaces with special significance like churches and temples. You might have obligations that relate to the community and society you’re living in. Consider death rites. In many religions, your spiritual health and passage to the afterlife or next life is contingent on having a community that does certain rituals for you after your death. The community is expected to help your family through the rituals while they go through a mourning process, or act in the place of family if you have no available relatives. It’s a really good incentive to not be an asshole leading up to your death. If you want to be of service, you necessarily need other people to serve, so you need to be in a place to serve them and have things you can serve without expecting something in return.
If you interpreted “depending on people, places, and things” to mean “I will drink unless I get to visit Disneyland this year” or “my entire life is pointless because I didn’t get that promotion so I might as well relapse,” then yes, there might be some growing to do.
Remember, the Buchmanism behind the Oxford Group that William Wilson (Bill W.) credits with the AA principles was intended to convert powerful individuals who already had access to all the material things in existence. Henry Ford might be able to agree that more people, places, and things would just yield diminishing marginal returns for his quality of life. Modern addiction researchers are pretty clear that community recovery capital has more predictive power for an individual’s sustained abstinence than individual recovery capital. You can’t meditate away serious health issues like chronic pain, depression, PTSD, or schizophrenia. Sometimes medication is literally a life-saver so you can stay stable long enough to apply spiritual or religious principles.
In other words, you absolutely need other people, places, and things to achieve security and fellowship. You’re responsible for seeking out those things to the best of your ability, but obviously there is never a guarantee that you’re going to have access to what you need. Your doorknob may not be the consistent provider of your necessities that you would prefer out of a Higher Power. That’s why we have each other.
January 9
My sponsor has cared for me when I couldn’t care for myself. Today, I will do something nice for my sponsor.
While this can certainly be true and it can be an excellent aspect of your recovery, as the recovery capital framework suggests that one or two highly supportive relationships can matter more than any particular individual trait, there are also many ways it can go wrong. This one doesn’t have much to do with religion directly, but there’s still advice that should be shared with newcomers.
Sponsors are, by design, not professionals or trained in any capacity by an institution that we can hold accountable or that publishes standard guidelines to uphold. The advice sponsors give for dealing with trauma, relationships, distress, cravings, spirituality and religion, and anything else that’s part of recovery is not professional advice (not even if they’re a Psych major). The same applies to a mentor from Recovery Dharma or Refuge Recovery, and any recovery program that’s peer and volunteer run. You can fire your sponsor or mentor if you don’t feel it’s a good match for whatever reason.
January 10
Belief in a Higher Power can make all the difference when the going gets tough! When things don’t go our way in recovery, our sponsor may direct us to make a “gratitude list.” When we do, we should include our faith in a Power greater than ourselves on the list. One of the greatest gifts we receive from the Twelve Steps is our belief in a God of our own understanding.
The Twelve Steps gently lead us toward a spiritual awakening.
The steps are our path to a relationship with a God of our understanding. This Higher Power gives us strength when our road gets rough.
Are we grateful for our deepening relationship with a Higher Power? Do we remember to thank God for each day clean, no matter what has happened that day? Do we remember that, no matter how deep our despair or how great our joy, the God of our understanding is with us? Our recovery is a gift, a gift that we sometimes take for granted. Each day we stay clean, we can rejoice in our Higher Power’s care. Just for today: I am grateful for my relationship with a Higher Power that cares for me.
Notice that the belief in God is actually a gift from doing the 12 Steps, not an ingredient in doing them. This is not a BYO invitation for Higher Powers. We repeatedly see that the book suggests the 12 Steps is a way to meet a Higher Power and that we must convert our Higher Power into a loving and caring one if they don’t fit the 12 Step structure.
Like, you can’t just add “of our understanding” after the word “God” like a spiritual loophole when you’re proposing a specific understanding. Doorknobs, abstract concepts, and an impersonal God do not necessarily have any kind of care for you.
January 11
“As we develop faith in our daily lives, we find that our Higher Power supplies us with the strength and guidance that we need.” Basic Text, p. 91
The seed is planted when we ask our Higher Power for help and then acknowledge the source of our help when it comes. We nurture the tiny seed of faith with the sunlight of our prayers each day. Our faith grows, a reward for living life on its own terms. One day we realize our faith has become like a huge spreading tree; it doesn’t stop the storms of life, but we know that we are safe in its shelter. Just for today: I know that faith in my Higher Power will not calm the storms of life, but it will calm my heart. I will let my faith shelter me in times of trouble
We’re very explicitly leaning into the “faith seeking understanding” angle here. This is extremely heavy-handed about faith and “acknowledging the source of our help when it comes” as it upgrades the concept of the Higher Power to also be all-powerful, such that it governs the universe and is the source of all helpful things in your life. I shouldn’t have to mention that doorknobs and abstract concepts don’t meet this requirement. No, not even a “love holds the universe together” Hallmark movie way.
January 12
“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps…” Step Twelve
“How will I know when I have had a spiritual awakening?” For many of us, a spiritual awakening comes gradually. Perhaps our first spiritual awareness is as simple as a new appreciation for life. Maybe one day we’ll suddenly discover the sound of birds singing early in the morning. The simple beauty of a flower may remind us that there is a Power greater than ourselves at work around us.
Often, our spiritual awakening is something that grows stronger over time. We can strive for more spiritual awareness simply by living our lives. We can persist in efforts to improve our conscious contact through prayer and meditation on a daily basis. We can listen within for the guidance we need. We can question other addicts about their experiences with spirituality. We can take time to appreciate the world around us.
Just for today: I will reflect on the spiritual awakenings I have experienced. I will strive to be God-conscious. I will take time out in the day to appreciate my Higher Power’s handiwork.
What’s cool about this part is that it actually didn’t answer the question proposed at all. The concepts of mindfulness and gratitude are in there, but you can experience those without a spiritual awakening or being “God-conscious.” This isn’t a new problem either. Buchman’s idea of conscious contact with God would involve things like claiming God told him he could only pay a certain amount for a particular service. He would adjust the instructions others had written during their attempts to pray for conscious contact with God.
Also, “handiwork” indicates that this Higher Power might be synonymous with Creator or Maker.